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Why has my friend abandoned our friendship?


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#1 angelofeventide

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Posted 26 November 2017 - 07:57 PM

I have not been here for awhile, but wanted to stop by to see if anyone could give me any insight. This has been weighing on my heart heavily for almost a year. I have two best friends, well I should say, had two best friends. One of my best friends has seemingly abandoned our friendship, and I have no idea why. We were as close as sisters and in fact called each other "sis" all the time. We talked frequently, though she lives in another state. I was her maid of honor in her wedding and she was a bridesmaid in mine, so you can see, we were very close.

For almost a year now, she has distanced herself from me. She never calls anymore and I stopped calling her, because she doesn't seem to be interested in having a friendship. On Facebook for example, which I know is a horrible example since it is rather impersonal, she couldn't be bothered to chime in on important moments in my life, like when I went in for a biopsy on my liver, and got bad news from that biopsy, or on other important times in my life, but easily and readily comments on the most mundane things, on our mutual friends' comments. She also has befriended it seems, someone she knew I had a horrible falling out with, someone she readily supported me on distancing myself from, and despite her becoming chummy with this person, can't even bother to comment on trying times I had happening. After almost a year of not hearing from her, I sent her a message and asked her how she was and was she mad at me for some reason. She acted like nothing was wrong, acted like we had never any distance apart, or time separating us. She denied being mad at me and commented on how she was sorry if I felt that way, as she considered me to be like a sister. This was several months ago and she has gone back to distancing herself from me again. I am thoroughly flabbergasted and hurt and at this point ready to call it quits with our friendship, since she won't be truthful with me. Can anyone pick up on what is going on? Thanks.

#2 sparrowsays

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Posted 30 November 2017 - 08:38 AM

Dear Angelofeventide,
I have lost friends along the way and what I know to be true is that we aren't always privy to what is going on in another person's life. Try--if you can--not to take it personally. Accept what she is willing to offer, in the friendship arena, and leave some wiggle room for her to return to your side. Was there a minor point that you disagreed about over a year ago? something that niggled at you? Sometimes it is something just like that.

Nothing specific or intuitivew is coming up for me regarding this and you. I know that eventually you will figure this out or make peace with it. Sorry for your sadness regarding the loss of your intimate connection...those smart.
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#3 angelofeventide

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Posted 30 November 2017 - 03:13 PM

Thanks Sparrow. The only thing I can think of is that we have differing political views, but that is nothing new and nothing worth ignoring a friendship over. Today is her birthday and I sent her a message wishing her a happy day. She replied saying thank you and she loved me. I don't get it. Her actions speak otherwise.

#4 sparrowsays

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Posted 04 December 2017 - 10:17 AM

Actually Angela (my nickname for you, lol), differing political views can be just the tip of the iceberg...I have lost a close pal due to something akin to that. These days it is a big divisive factor for A LOT of people.

Now you just have to hang-on, to see if you two don't swing back to your previous close-knit selves. I am holding on to that possibility for you.

Believe in the friendship until you can feeeel it...again...or let it go for now. You know the saying about letting people go...if they are ours (our loved ones), then they will return.

namaste,
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#5 angelofeventide

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 05:39 PM

She sent me a chat request out of the blue last night, like nothing had ever happened, and we chatted about Christmas stuff for about 15 minutes, I really don't get it. I am being nice to her, but am not going out of my way to chummy, as I am just not up for being burned again. Hopefully she will initiate contact more often.

#6 sparrowsays

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Posted 23 December 2017 - 08:31 PM

View Postangelofeventide, on 10 December 2017 - 05:39 PM, said:

She sent me a chat request out of the blue last night, like nothing had ever happened, and we chatted about Christmas stuff for about 15 minutes, I really don't get it. I am being nice to her, but am not going out of my way to chummy, as I am just not up for being burned again. Hopefully she will initiate contact more often.

Press on Angel, if you want the friendship to thump on (like something big is in the dryer...that kind of thump) and maybe have a hope of thriving again. Be the bigger person -- again and again (yes, this is a theme) -- and call her whenever YOU feel so inclined...maybe just about small stuff for a while. I know that she hurt you, I know that she is presently un-worthy. This is for YOU, not for her. This will let you move on...or stay the course.

I know that there are a lot of "buts" coming out of you with these my words, but maybe she is realizing your value as a friend again? Hence the recent call?

Be puzzled but loving, and chill on the bestie stuff...until she returns to the fold...the fold of love. Sorry, I know your heart still hurts from this weirdness from this and her.

Love and light, and joy to you in the New Year!
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